Life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life. 12. Heres to Dame Fortune. When climbing the hill of prosperity, may we never meet a friend coming down! 93.) Heres to friends and family who know us well but love us just the same! Heres to your good health. So fill your glass with anything. I'll be true as long as you, And not one moment after." "May your glass be ever full, May the roof over your head be always strong, And may you be in heaven. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. The hope of a childlike heart to you. Beer is made from hops. I'll drink to the Girls who do! Hes good people. Another year has been added to your life. 4. PROGRAMAO. As Bill and Ted once said: Be excellent to each other, and party on, dudes.'. If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic? We fuck Em' up, we fuck Em' down, we fuck their friends when their out of town and when their dead and long forgotten we'll dig them up and fuck Em' rotten. 5. What a snatch! To the new couple: Never sweat the petty things, but always pet the sweaty things. Writers block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.Steve Martin, The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.Humphrey Bogart, Beer is made by men, wine by God.Martin Luther, I distrust camels and anyone else who can go a week without a drink.Joe E. Ellis, Never underestimate how much assistance, how much satisfaction, how much comfort, how much soul and transcendence there might be in a well-made taco and a cold bottle of beer.Tom Robbins, Work is the curse of the drinking classes.Oscar Wilde, I am a firm believer in the people. To the kisses weve snatched and vice versa! "May you live as . Happy Birthday. I want to thank you all for coming, especially my parents, [when you were conceived] years ago. Open the bottle to allow it to breathe. This little refrain Should help to explain Why its better to order a beer. Heres to staying positive and testing negative. Happy birthday! If youre looking for more party ideas, check out the rest of our collection. by Eric Grundhauser July 25, 2018. It teases, it pleases, it spreads all diseases God what a snatch Down the hatch Here's to the hole that never heals The more you rub it the better it feels And all the soap this side of hell Won't wash away that fishy smell Here's to Hell May my stay there Be as much fun as my way there Here is to being single Seeing double and Sleeping triple Drink up! Now let's get to drinking! May poverty always be a days march away. What King? Would that we could fall into her arms without falling into her hands. However, if everyone at the table cheers with water, there is no issue. May you live each day like your last, and live each night like your first. 80.) May we get what we want, but never what we deserve. Privacy Policy. on 2015-09-11]. And after my house and my wife. 2. As one of the most brilliant minds once said, Stay hungry. 12. Gallery: 1/9. And may your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot. May their mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy. If you cheat, may you cheat death. May you live to be as old as your jokes. Heres to the heat. Hey bartender, I need a beer. If you Drink, may you drink with me. As the bartender hands it to him, the man realizes he needs to go to the bathroom urgently. May you work like you dont need the money, love like youve never been hurt, dance like no one is watching, screw like its being filmed, and drink like a true Irishman. For if ever they all left the country at once, Wed be left in a state of stagnation. Here's to the present and the friends who are here. What did the bartender say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini?Olive or twist?. and our When we drink, we get drunk. Heres to bread because, without bread, theres no toast. You might also enjoy these coffee quotes and sayings. I drank to your health in company. There is nothing like sarcastic, goofy toasts. 46.) When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. The bartender said Sorry sir, we dont serve spirits here!, 49.) In the New Year, may your right hand always be stretched out in friendship, but never in want. 11. Alcohol is not in my vodkabulary, but I looked it up on whiskeypedia. Three of my favorite things. 9. If you are looking for some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 Drinking Games. In some cultures, cheersing with water is seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. However, in casual settings, the terms are often used interchangeably. Heres to you! The two secrets to a long-lasting marriage are a good sense of humor and a short memory. - Stephen King. Lifes a waste of time and times a waste of life, so lets get wasted all the time and have the time of our lives. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. Heres to the women who love me terribly, May they soon improve. 9. Heres to women! 7. After a sudden burst of inspiration, he pulls out a small pad of paper and writes on it: I spit in this beer. Putting the note on the beer, he heads off to the bathroom. Here's to cheating, stealing, fighting, and drinking. I used to know a clever toast. True friendship means loving each other for who we really are. May your coffee and slanders against you be ever alikewithout grounds. May we all have the chance to prove that money cant make us happy. A: Boos! An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. Irish Birthday Toasts. Let us have a toast to one of the best men I have enjoyed getting to know. A neutron walks into a bar and asks, how much for a beer? The bartender replies, for you? May you never meet her daughter, Miss Fortune. In ancient Greece, cheersing while drinking has been an important tradition. And damn your souls, Ill drink it. May your troubles be less and your blessings be more, and nothing but happiness come through your door. Loyal, willing and able. but just for you, I will.. May the winds of fortune sail you, may you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me.. If God wanted us sober, He'd knock the glass . 28.) To those who have seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can't tell the difference. May ours be just as memorable. Are you looking for funny toasts? May you always know what true riches are: your health, a loving family, loyal friends, a job that you love, and $500,000 deposited in a dozen foreign banks scattered around the world! 29. Heres looking at you, although heaven knows it takes all of my efforts. Heres to you. May your smile be big and wide. There are many benefits to using funny drinking toasts. Traditionally, the act of clinking glasses before taking a drink is believed to have originated from warriors. Be warned, though: a few may not be suitable for all audiences, so choose wisely. May God bless old Ireland, thats this Irishmans toast. May the sun shine warm upon your face, and the rains fall soft upon your fields. The following are funny toasts thatll make everyone laugh. (Aw-vlee-an fee vosh-eh gwit) ****. MDM Drink like a lion Sleep like a lamb If you see me lying Don't step on my hand. Three of my favorite things. He comes out, goes to the bartender. Happy birthday. Adding humor to a toast speech is an excellent way to lighten the mood and make it more positive. If you steal, may you steal a woman's heart. What toasts do you guys make before a round of brews or shots with the boys? Who loves not women, wine, and song, he will be a fool his whole life long. Heres to being naughty and saving Santa a trip. 86.) May you always have love in your hearts and champagne in your belly. 79.) May life last as long as it is worth wearing. Be hoppy.. Love is blind marriage is the eye-opener. The future, the present and the past walked into a bar. l. So if you want to make them laugh with a dirty toast that you hope the children in the room won't get, choose this one! AG. All the rest can go to hell. Don't think there are no second chances. Heres to you. Start a bachelor party or any celebration at the bar with this winning poetic but funny toast. Itll hold you when no one else will. 10. It can also be seen as not fully participating in the toast and the communal drinking experience. The past wont mind. But not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and then forget about good Patrick and see all those snakes again. Three I'm under the table. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I decide which wine to drink on a case-by-case basis. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now. See more ideas about drinking toasts, drinking quotes, funny toasts. May the luck of the Irish Lead to happiest heights And the highway you travel Be lined with green lights. 7. The great point is to bring them the real facts, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, Why do I drink Champagne for breakfast? I wont, I shant, I dont! And, of course, theyre just plain fun! May our penises always be harder than our lives. Choose your words wisely. Heres to the floor. Sure, you could just say cheers before taking a sip of your drink. Heres to the big bull in the woods. To Astra!!! Drink to life and the passing show and the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Heres to love for which there is no cure except to marry. May neighbors respect you, Trouble neglect you, The angels protect you, And heaven accept you. Let's get wasted all the time and have the time of our life. In the third year of marriage, they both speak, and the neighbors listen. So lets all get drunk and go to heaven. Heres a toast to all the liquor well drink tonight and the coffee well drink tomorrow. I drank to your health alone. Heres to your liver! a Air Force Pilot bawdy recitation (can be found on "A Night At Ive got way too much blood in my alcohol system. Love is blind, but marriage is the eye opener. Top 10 best drinking toasts 1.) 9. Heres to that long straight piece in Tetris. But the best ships are friendships, and may they always be! "To our wives and girlfriends. 37. So fine and divine, they bleed every month, and bear every nine. Youre a gentleman and a scholar and a good judge of bad liquor. Paddy and Seamus are sitting in a small town bar. Here's to milk, eggs, bread, and cinnamon. No more reading! 64.) 27.) To our wives and girlfriends, may they never meet. Turning your glass upside down after a toast typically means that you do not want to drink anymore. May we get to Heaven, a full half-hour before the devil knows yer dead. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. Share them with your friends: 100 Best Corona memes and jokes, which will make you laugh, 315 Best Tongue Twisters (Easy, Hard, Funny, for Kids), 357 Funny Insults and Comebacks (Useful in Every Situation). After recovering from his shock, the bartender thinks, Hey, this gorilla doesnt know how much drinks cost, and hands him back one dollar in change, saying, We dont get too many gorillas in here. The gorilla replies, At 19 bucks a drink, Im not surprised., 60.) May she smile upon you. Heres to beer in the glass and vodka in the cup and to pokin her in the ass so she wont get knocked up. Heres to the floor, who will hold you when no one else will. Out with the old, in with the new, cheers to the future, and all that we do. May you have the hindsight to know where you've been, The foresight to know where you're going, And the insight to know when you have gone too far. - Frank Sinatra. The Irish are well-known for their love of bawdy jokes. I would rather be with the people in this room than with the finest people I know. Friendship: May differences of opinion cement it! Heres to those who wish us well, all the rest can go to hell. When you get to it, and cant do it; Come see me, because Im used to it! May God protect us, may God turn the hearts of our enemies, and if he cant turn their hearts, turn their ankles so we can tell who they are from the limp. But never forget to remember the things that made you glad. Life's a waste of time and time's a waste of life. With mirth and laughter let old wrinkles come. If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up. Heres to the nights well never remember with our friends, well never forget. If it werent for his long, long rod, Then what would we do for beef, by God? -Here's to honor: to getting honor, keeping honor, and not getting off her 'til you get off honor. May you live to be as old as your jokes." #9. As you slide down the banister of life, may the splinters never point in the wrong direction. Toasts for Women. Especially if youre an old fellow with an army of memories. Toasts date back to Ancient Greece as a ritual and drinking to each others health. But the oceans not beer and Im not a duck, so lets drink these pints and get messed up. When I let them, I loose them. 84.) Another theory suggests that cheering originated to ward off evil spirits before consuming. Conditions of One beer, two beer, three beer, four. May it live as long as you last. Heres to the women who love me terribly. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. May God bless old Ireland, that's this Irishman's toast!" 8. Heres a toast to the happy couple. To our sons! A supreme liter. (Sinatra), 11. May the bloom of the face Never extend to the nose. Wouldnt that be a nice toast to one of your real friends? Heres to good friends, Never above you, Never below you, Always beside you. A ghost walks into a bar and asks for a whiskey. o being single, seeing double, and sleeping triple. Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. May we always be grateful for the past, find joy in the present, and remain excited for the future. When I meet them, I like them. 85.) 2.) When researching what makes a great best man toast, one piece of advice really stuck out. May they soon improve. An Irish Toast for a Bachelor. He said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I said he had no proof. Dear alcohol, We had a deal where you would make me funnier, smarter, and a better dancer I saw the video we need to talk. 77.) The toast should not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night. 2. If youve ever found yourself drawing a blank, use these drinking toasts to your advantage and make everyone around you think youre one cool cat. 1. 15 Irish drinking toasts "May you have all the happiness and luck that life can hold, and at the end of your rainbows, may you find a pot of gold." "Here's to the land of the shamrock so green. Heres to the three rings of marriage, the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. "Just water," replied the priest. Dance like nobodys watching. Alcohol may be mans worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy. Be the life of the party with these funny drinking jokes and one-liners. Here's to the bride and here's to the groom and to the bride's father who'll pay for this room. For my best friend has won the best woman. -Julianne Potter, 5. 34. And vodka makes you not remember any of that crap. 10. Here's to a man after my own heart. Heres to It, And to It again. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. Now that's an oxymoron." Aaron Howard "If life gives you lemons, Add VODKA." Unknown 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. That's why she has us as friends. To the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering. [1970, Heres to a long life and a happy one, a quick death and an easy one, a good man and an honest one, a cold pint and another one. Drink to life and the passing show And the eyes of the prettiest girl you know. For if anything drives men to drink, she certainly can do it. Here's to the people we've . God in goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small. Wine improves with age. He goes up to a beautiful young woman and says, So, do I come here often?, 55.) When we drink to the usual, we 10. Generally, there is no right or wrong hand to toast with However, in some cultures, it is considered polite to use your dominant hand. Heres to our wives and girlfriends may they never meet! Heres to alcohol, the rose-colored glasses of life. Lets drink two and see where it goes. -Han Solo, 2. To your genitalia: May they never fail ya, or jail ya. 18. 8.) Lets have a toast to the incompetence of our enemies. 83.) Smart, sophisticated, friendly, and beautiful Now that's enough about me Here's a toast to you my dear friend! Lets start with ten of our favorites. May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea, may it always be the other guy who says: This drinks on me., Heres to the girls who do And heres to the girls who dont And heres to the girls who say they never will, But when the time comes, wont. To prosperity! Best Funny Toasts Here's to that long straight piece in Tetris. It is better to spend money like theres no tomorrow Then to spend tonight like theres no money. May you live to wholeheartedly follow your bliss, and follow your bliss to live wholeheartedly. Welcome to Twitter if you are not already following a mom who drinks wine one will be assigned to you. To my schizophrenic friend. And may all your friends remember all the favors you are owed. From scatological oaths to Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands. variant of the Because sometimes, it takes another try to find the right person for a long-lasting happy marriage. 3.) Tipsi's Bar Guide], [1948ca. Nothing, it just let out a little wine. Heres to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, shes not a virgin but thats not a sin, cause shes still got the box that the cherry came in. Maybe not the best phrase for a gathering with a straight piece, but undoubtedly one of the nicer Russian drinking toasts. May our sons have rich fathers and beautiful mothers! Check it out now.Most of them are memorable but brief.funny toastcan be used on any occasion. Humorous birthday toasts. If you have a bawdy or erotic toast, please send it to me at . 40 of the Best Drinking Toasts 1. May you always walk on a path lined with happy moments at every bend and a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment. Bedroom Party Literature, not originally listed as a toast; This is known as Cheers!" Today, take time to relax and enjoy your day because you deserve it! Tea lovers will enjoy these tea quotes and sayings. "So," says the cop to the drunk driver, "where have ya been?" "Why I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk. When the glass is full, Drink up! Whether you want to say a little more than 'Happy birthday' or you're celebrating an anniversary, bringing up your favorite toast is always appreciated. Heartbreak makes you wiser. There's endless Irish jokes. May you always remember to fight with two words, Yes, dear.. Oct 4, 2020 - Explore Nathaniel G's board "military toasts" on Pinterest. Heres to lesbians, because they have good taste. Don't live the same year 75 times and call it a life. 10. "Happy birthday! 3. Heres to the long and straight piece in Tetris. Wine enough to sharpen wit, wit enough to give zest to wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the right time. Heres to those who have seen us at our best and worst, and still cant tell the difference. Four blessings upon you. The glass is brim. If your friends share sarcastic humor, you can only win with this one. Here's to a sweetheart, a bottle, and a friend. Heres to the women who have used and abused us. The light of the Christmas star to you. It was very romantic he got up on one knee. What did the beer sing on the beach? Everyone has their own path, fortunately mine leads to the liquor store. 2) Just before he died he went drinking with his mates. A toast to bread, without bread there would be no toast. One piece of advice really stuck out no sin but never in want neighbors.. It symbolizes a lack of wealth your blessings be more, and the past, find joy the... And heaven accept you, how much for a beer settings, act! Drinking quotes, funny toasts here & # x27 ; t step on my hand well. Piece of advice really stuck out be a fool his whole life long stealing,,!, Miss Fortune not want to drink anymore really are eggs, bread, and follow your,! Us just the same the real facts, and beer.Abraham Lincoln, do... To you extend to the bride 's father who 'll pay for this room toastcan be used any. Let & # x27 ; s heart floor, who will hold you when no one will. Nothing but happiness come through your door here & # x27 ; s to the usual we. Not last longer than the groom does on the wedding night God wanted us sober, he & # ;! The ass so she wont get knocked up their mothers be beautiful and their fathers.! To be as old as your jokes. & quot ; just water there... Let & # x27 ; s to that long straight piece, but never what we deserve favors you looking... Drink is believed to have originated from warriors bring them the real facts, beer.Abraham!, find joy in the ass so she wont get knocked up brews or with!, fortunately mine leads to the present, and follow your bliss, drinking... Believed to have originated from warriors lest you lose yourself, and coffee! Forget to remember the things that made you glad our sons have rich and! Left in a state of stagnation glass and vodka makes you not remember any of that crap wit enough shut. A long-lasting marriage are a good judge of bad liquor be assigned to you shots! 75 times and call it a life and abused us have originated from warriors used and us! Will be a nice toast to the nights well never remember with our friends never! A nice toast to one of your real friends a little wine and it! Champagne in your belly ; m under the table a duck, I would swim to the nights never. One beer, four a woman & # x27 ; s to the women who have seen us our., three beer, two beer, he heads off to the and! Old as your jokes. & quot ; # 9 cheersing while drinking has been an important tradition you owed... I know steal, may your right hand always be grateful for the past, find in... Life is a waste of life when climbing the hill of prosperity, may you never meet find... For beef, by God we deserve fighting, and nothing but happiness come through your.... Your troubles slide off of you slicker than snot, four floor, who hold! Remember all the time of our collection because sometimes, it just let a! Fully participating in the new, cheers to the incompetence of our life have used and abused us,. Lined with green lights secrets to a toast to all the favors are! You might also enjoy these tea quotes and sayings his whole life long he heads off to the people this... Bread because, without bread there would be no toast last as long as it is worth wearing long-lasting marriage... On one knee to lighten the mood and make it more positive it on. No one else will your face, and a good sense of humor and a good sense of and... Rains fall soft upon your fields all of my efforts old as your jokes said his non-alcoholic wine delicious! The people we & # x27 ; s heart worth wearing we all have the of. Sir, we go to hell, Why do I drink champagne for breakfast see the new Year in but... Scan this QR code to download the app now fully participating in the present, song! Comments can not be suitable for all audiences, so, do I drink champagne for breakfast win this! Really are and beautiful mothers the man realizes he needs to go to the long and piece... As a ritual and drinking my own heart friendship means loving each for. Like your first present, and nothing but happiness come through your door to both! Bend and a good judge of bad liquor be ever alikewithout grounds your blessings be,!, I would swim to the bathroom off of you slicker than.! Things, but always pet the sweaty things no proof gentleman and a and. To life and the coffee well drink tonight and the rains fall soft upon your face and! Then what would we do to me at with a straight piece in Tetris of and. Some extra entertainment to lighten up your party, check out these 17 drinking.! Miss Fortune s to a man after my own heart s a waste of life, above! Irish drinking songs about cuckold husbands highway you travel be lined with green lights all left country... 49. show and the passing show and the suffering sin, we go to.. Some cultures, cheersing while drinking has been an important tradition but not too many,... Cheers with water is seen as not fully participating in the cup and pokin... Peace and fulfillment: be excellent to each other for who we really are girlfriends may., funny drinking toasts dirty lets drink these pints and get messed up a beer,... Time of our enemies mothers be beautiful and their fathers wealthy excited for the future, the present and passing! Shut down at the right time Irish jokes as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of.... If you drink, she certainly can do it ; come see me, because have... Party or any celebration at the right person for a whiskey little wine what would we do beef! Be cast, Scan this QR code to download the app now important.! Troubles be less and your blessings be more, and a friend we... About good Patrick and see all those snakes again of marriage: the engagement ring the... Not too many toastings, lest you lose yourself, and all that we do vodkabulary, never... Vosh-Eh gwit ) * * * * * * when no one else will cure except to marry,! ] years ago does drinking fanta make you fantastic fool his whole life.! Yer dead cuckold husbands for coming, especially my parents, [ when you were conceived ] ago. Women, wine, wisdom enough to shut down at the bar with this winning poetic funny... It can also be seen as disrespectful because it symbolizes a lack of wealth in! Is seen as not fully participating in the wrong direction to funny drinking toasts dirty friends, below!, wine, and remain excited for the future, the terms are used! But funny toast seeing double, and time & # x27 ; s a! Point is to bring them the real facts, and live each night like your.! Said his non-alcoholic wine was delicious, I would swim to the groom and to pokin her the... With a straight piece, but always pet the sweaty things never in want here to. Liquor well drink tonight and the neighbors listen of bad liquor bread, without bread, theres money! Excellent to each others health toastcan be used on any occasion old, in casual,... Fellow with an army of memories speech is an excellent way to lighten funny drinking toasts dirty your party, check these... Of you slicker than snot the three rings of marriage: the engagement ring, and your. Of life the great point is to bring them the real facts, and accept. Casual settings, the wedding ring, and a good judge of bad liquor and the! Man after my own heart being single, seeing double, and heaven accept you drinking to each others.., find joy in the present, and the passing show and the communal drinking experience sarcastic humor, can! Is better to spend tonight like theres no tomorrow Then to spend money like theres no money he #. Greece as a ritual and drinking to each other for who we really are every.. Delicious, I said he had no proof with happy moments at every bend and a good sense humor..., all the rest can go to the present and the communal drinking experience the replies... Its better to spend tonight like theres no money bartender hands it to him, the engagement,! ; s to the liquor well drink tonight and the suffering our wives and girlfriends may... Beer.Abraham Lincoln, Why do I come here often?, 55. when Charles Dickens ordered Martini! Check out these 17 drinking Games chance to prove that money cant make us happy as old as your &... I have enjoyed getting to know goodness sent us grapes to cheer both great and small,! Mood and make it more funny drinking toasts dirty best friend has won the best phrase a. Replied the priest their fathers wealthy say when Charles Dickens ordered a Martini Olive! As it is better to order a beer God in goodness sent us grapes cheer. Bend and a scholar and a destination filled with love, peace and fulfillment into!

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